Disclaimer #1: Even though some items/events appear on this list, it does not mean that these items/events will cease just because my vacation is over. The duration and frequency of these events as I witness or partake in them will lessen.
Disclaimer #2: These events are not ranked in any particular order other than when they popped into my mind.
- Tantrums- I'm not quite sure which one is worse: the 2 year old tantrum or the 4 year old tantrum. In either event, the apparent uncontrollable rage exuded by both toddlers is a tsunami wrapped inside a hurricane wrapped inside a castrated Tyrannosaurus Rex. My God, these can come out of nowhere! And over the seemingly most mundane things. I already wrote about W's tantrum on vacation over not getting Starbucks for breakfast. Well, there were others. Like... not wanting to change diaper/underwear/shorts that are soaked in pee... not being able to look in garbage cans... not being able to throw garbage away... being told to throw garbage away... not wanting your
littleyounger brother to look at you... not wanting your younger brother to sit next to you... not wanting to take a bath... not wanting your hair combed... not getting the right juice... not getting the right cup... not bringing in the mail... not bringing in the packages... not being allowed to ring the doorbell to agitate the dog... C, feel free to add more!!! - Doors- I don't know what it is about bedroom doors that W and S find so intoxicating. Is it the believed power they've discovered when disallowing their sibling from entering the room? Is it the sound the door makes when it's closed, or the jiggling of the handle when trying to open it back up? Are they just fascinated with wood? Seriously, W and S will fight over whether the door should be open or closed. And neither one sticks to one side of this argument. One day W will say it has to be open, and the next he'll say it has to be closed. And it's ALWAYS C and my bedroom door! Go fight over your own damn doors!
- Potty Walks- The joy of being a father and a dog owner. Not that I ever truly enjoyed having to take Addie for a walk, but before C and I had kids, this was obviously a solo endeavor. However, since W and S enjoy being outside so much, they have taken to tagging along on Addie's walks. Here's the problem: there are four living creatures on this walk, which means four different objectives. W: distance himself as far as possible from S; close all of the garbage cans; check out all of the mailboxes; memorize addresses; ask as many questions as humanly possible for the entire duration of the walk. S: lag a quarter mile behind dad; look down every sewer grate along the route; have dad carry his mini-Mercedes home. Addie: bark and go after every dog she sees; bark and go after every bicycle she sees; bark and go after every jogger she sees; bark and go after every kid she sees; sniff endlessly only to not relieve herself at that spot; stare at something even though nobody else is outside. Dad: get this walk over as quickly as possible!
- The Sun- So, this is probably the agent of my frustrations during the potty walks. Simply put, I HATE the sun!!! I burn easily, I get hives, I have to wear an SPF 500 and I sweat profusely. If I had my way, I would destroy the sun. Who needs that big star anyways???
- S Getting into His Carseat- This summer, S has shown his independence by climbing into his carseat by himself. Sounds great. It saves me some energy. However, it tries my patience incredibly. It takes him FOREVER to get into his seat. He likes to stand right in front of his carseat, turn around, and then point and name everything he sees. And point and name everything that isn't actually out in the world in front of him. Once he's finally sitting where he's supposed to, he doesn't want me to buckle his chest restraint on his carseat. "Noooo!!!!! S do!" he'll scream. Then the waiting game games begin anew until he says, "Daddy do!"
- Ramen- I hate everything involved with this supposed food. This is the only food that neither W nor S actually watch as it enters their mouths. Consequently, the noodles end up all over the table, on their chairs, on their clothes, in their hair, behind their ears, down their pants and on the floor. Have you ever tried cleaning wet Ramen noodles off of the floor??? It's too wet to sweep up. It's too wet to use a towel because it will just smoosh up. I can't even count on Addie to eat it all up because she's gotten sick of eating this crap too! God I hate this food!
- W Questioning Every Driving Decision I Make- Why are you in this lane? Why are we stopped? What's the name of this song? Who sings this song? How old is this song? What are they doing over there?... just make a guess. Why did you go this way? Why are we slowing down? Why aren't you going faster? Why aren't you going slower? Are you sure this is the way? Why are we STOPPED!!??!!
- The Flight To/From Europe- This was rough for a few reasons. 8-9 hours in the air. Not being able to sleep there or back. Not sitting next to C. Not being able to find the bathroom in the dark.
- Weekends that Felt Like Weekdays- Alright guys... give me a damn break for awhile! Your mother is right over there, for crying out loud! Go hang out with her. This isn't Monday. Or Tuesday. Or Wednesday. Or Thursday. Or Friday. It's the weekend. Don't you want a break from me??? I mean, I've been the one who's given you the timeouts. I've been the one who's told you to come inside. I've been the one who's dragged you all over the various towns for various reasons. I've taken away toys. I've yelled at you guys. Don't you hate me for all of these things??? I hate myself for doing them!
- Fireworks Not on the Fourth of July- I am all for lighting off explosives to honor America's declared independence from Great Britain. And if you're stupid enough to blow off a finger or two in the process, great! But for the love of Abe Lincoln's beard (by cracky!) STOP LIGHTING OFF FIREWORKS THE REST OF THE YEAR!!!! Stop lighting off fireworks on July 2nd. Stop lighting off fireworks on July 3rd. Stop lighting off fireworks on July 5th. Stop lighting off fireworks on April 18th. Stop it. Stop it. STOP IT!!!
- The Over-Worked, Under-Appreciated, Stressed-Out Mom Memes- Just for the fact that there are a lot of dads who take care of the kids, try to keep the house clean, do the laundry, do the dishes, make breakfasts, make lunches, make dinners and the myriad little things to get their kids through the day feeling loved, appreciated and special.
There you go. A list of 11 things that I will not miss from summer vacation. But the summer wasn't nearly as bad as I just made it out to be. In fact, it was the best summer of my life...
Until next time,
A
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